By Abena Rockcliffe
I was in the company of some good friends when CXC results were released a few weeks back. There I was, stuck at the Grantley Adams International Airport, suffering the consequences of my frugal choice to fly Inter-Caribbean. One of my many pass-time activities was to shift through various articles and posts to get a sense of how well my country performed at that level. One of the earlier comments I made was, “yay, a girl topped”. That went over well, no one reacted. I then came across a post with pictures of outstanding performers. I noticed the way my friend flinched the first time I said, “nice, this black boy did really well.”
I was not deterred. In fact, I was determined to get at least a preliminary understanding of how well, or poorly, the black community performed. I did not hide my excitement each time I saw a black face.
It was not long before my friend, who we will call Mrs. X, asked pointedly, “why is it important to you if black people made it in the top 20, aren’t we all Guyanese?”
I must note that Mrs. X is one of my closest friends, we have been this close for seven years and knew each other at least 5 years before. Our families are well acquainted. In fact, her mother once introduced me as Mrs. X’s sister. This information is pertinent to establish just how close we are. This was not just an interaction between stranded passengers. Hence, I believe Mrs. X’s declaration that she knows I am not racist. She genuinely wanted to understand, “what was up with that.”
Owing to the good relationship and the respect we have for each other, I did not feel attacked or the need to become defensive.
I asked Mrs. X whether it mattered to her if our girl topped the Caribbean. Mrs. X responded, yes. I asked, “Why? Are we not one Caribbean?” I asked other questions of Mrs. X to point out how she is tribal, how she likes to win, and how much she cares about the wellbeing of people; but particularly those she identifies with, and or loves.
Soon Mrs. X was seeing things as I explained. I believe we as Guyanese miss out on understanding each other because of the conversations we refuse to have.
I remember watching a show that spoke about human’s social development. The neuroscientist categorized social evolutionary stages of human beings into ‘me vs. us’ and ‘us vs. them’. These concepts acknowledge the default human setting to be self-preservation.
Self preservation is instinct. The first actual challenge is me vs. us. Those who conquer the me vs. us stage understand the need to sometimes sacrifice personal desires or needs for the good of the collective. But this stage leaves us sometimes vulnerable to the negative effects of tribalism.
The next stage, us vs. them, turns out to be very difficult for some humans to conquer. This stage is where the collective or group learns to see other groups as equals. This stage teaches humans to make decisions or act in a manner that would benefit mankind. If I were to point to a national policy that may position Guyana as passing the us vs. them, I would point to the preservation of our forest, allowing Guyana to be a carbon sink while others exploit their forest resources for the financial good of their people and country.
It is somehow always more comfortable for us to discuss psychological and philosophical concepts when it is not about race. In wanting to see about the academic welfare of my people, I made a very close friend uncomfortable. I found pleasure in pointing out to Mrs. X that I had no problem with, and in fact wanted to also see the success of students belonging to other races. But to be honest, I do not believe we skip stages, it is highly unlikely for one to move beyond the hurdle of us vs. them without first conquering me vs. us. It is natural for me to think of my household before thinking of my neighbour.
I told Mrs. X that I feel discomfort whenever I see a black criminal, I am disappointed when black leaders fail to properly represent the community. Similarly, I feel as if it is a personal win when members of the community shine. I have several communities based on how I identify. I am Rockcliffe. I am a mother. I am a woman. I am black. I am Guyanese. I am Caribbean. I am human.
It is time we remove the taboo of caring for the development of our own. We cannot skip that stage.
